Are Bad People Absorbed into the Cosmos?

When dad died, it was just a good person who had died. I was allowed to watch movies where people died growing up. It became clear from an early age that good people died. When good people died, they went to heaven. That much was simple. Usually, they would be avenged.

            But then the years passed, and my dad was not avenged. Things crumbled in his absence, though they’d never been exactly amazing to begin with. 

I started to learn about the kind of things that send people to hell. Sex, swearing, cheating, lying. All of the things I’m addicted to. I eventually learned that my dad was addicted to the same things. So I decided you had to be really bad to get into hell. Just doing bad things wouldn’t send you to hell. You had to be rotten.

I had somebody else die recently, somebody rotten. He’s an ex-boyfriend of my mom. Probably the person I hate most in the world.  My sister was looking through the Internet and found his obituary on Facebook. We sent away for his death certificate a couple weeks ago, and it came back today that he killed himself. 

It was touched with irony because whenever my little sister Erin used to get into her “I’ll kill myself” episodes, my mom’s ex-boyfriend would egg her on. 

“Do it. Go ahead. Kill yourself, you’d be doing us all a favor.” 

And then he ended up killing himself!

You have to admit that’s rough. Really ironic. But wicked rough.

But it was only really ironic for a second. Because then I thought, well what happens to him now? 

I assume the same thing happens to us all when we die. We are, after all, one. 

We’re all the same. If one of us transcends, we all transcend. If one of us dies forever, we all die forever. 

That’s the line I’ve drawn in my head. 

But somebody like that, somebody who tells little girls to kill themselves, somebody who threatens to rape small children, somebody who orders hunting magazines and doesn’t even hunt, somebody who didn’t vote in the Trump-Clinton elections, somebody like THAT (?!), they get to become a part of the swirling mass of energy that we project our individual existence upon? 

No way, man. I don’t wanna become part of the swirling energy if he’s gonna be a part of it. That would be bullshit. And I sure as hell don’t want that guy swirling around in the same mass of life-energy as my dad. I want those two things separate. 

But wouldn’t I rather that than eternal black? 

God, I don’t know. Call me hateful, but imagine sitting shoulder-to-shoulder for the rest of eternity with some bald moron that fucked your mom. And he doesn’t take any of his meds. I don’t know if I’d take that compared to oblivion. 

Now I’m afraid to take shrooms again. I don’t want to waltz through the smokescreen between heaven and Earth and then see that guy. 

It’s hard to write about life’s horrors truthfully and be funny. It really isn’t funny. It’s just horrible. You never want to think the horrible things again. And if you don’t think them, they go away eventually. And they’re never remembered.